As a family lawyer and divorce mediator I was confident my law practice was recession proof. The divorce rate has hovered around fifty percent since I have been in practice, over twenty years. When the market collapsed, real estate values declined and jobs disappeared I realized I was mistaken. Divorce costs money. I speak not only of legal costs and attorney’s fees but costs to set up and maintain two households, dividing investments and perhaps selling the family’s largest asset, the marital home, in a weak real estate market. Some couples are staying together for “better or for worse”. Many couples divorcing are choosing to go it alone and represent themselves. I support individuals who choose to divorce without the full representation of an attorney. Some cases have little need for either party to retain an attorney. However the choice whether or not to seek legal advice does not have to be so black and white. If you are contemplating divorce, wanting legal representation yet concerned about costs and fees, there are affordable options.

Over the past few months I met with many individuals seeking legal advice and guidance on handling their own divorce or post divorce issues such as modifying or enforcing their original divorce judgment. I refer to this as legal counseling or “legal coaching”. Similar to a life coach or career coach, as a legal coach my function is to inform, educate and guide. Partnering with my client in the role of a legal coach is an inexpensive, prudent and viable option for those without the funds or the need to retain an attorney to handle all aspects of their case. Legal coaching offers individuals an affordable way to obtain basic legal advice such as how the divorce process in Connecticut works, how to start a divorce action, and alternatives to an adversarial divorce such as divorce mediation. The individuals with whom I recently coached sought advice on protecting themselves financially, tips on communicating and negotiating productively and successfully with their spouse, what financial records would be important in working out a settlement, custody laws, calculating child support, and factors to consider when dividing assets and retirement plans. How much time I spend with each client and the frequency of our meetings, depends on the needs of the individual and the complexity of their case. Most agreed that with a certain amount of legal guidance and the cooperation of their spouse, a fair and reasonable settlement could be reached without the expense of two lawyers. The cooperation of both spouses is not always easy, especially if one party is not in favor of the divorce. Therefore I counsel parties to shift their focus from the past and toward the future, focusing instead on saving time and money, protecting assets, reducing conflict for their children and minimizing fees and costs of a litigated divorce.

Divorce mediation is another option for couples choosing to divorce. Mediation minimizes legal fees, costs and time associated with a traditional divorce. A divorce mediator, usually an experienced family law attorney trained in mediation, is a neutral third-party who meets with the parties and helps them communicate, discuss and negotiate a settlement. As a divorce mediator for over ten years I have seen many cases resolve quickly and inexpensively through mediation. Although a mediator does not make decisions for you, sometimes just the presence and comfort of a third party in the room with you and your spouse is enough to bridge the gaps that would otherwise prevent you from reaching a fair and acceptable agreement.

The individual or couple who feels trapped may not know there are affordable alternatives to an expensive litigated divorce such as legal coaching, legal counseling on an “as needed” basis, and divorce mediation. There are expenses associated with all court actions, but court costs and attorney’s fees can be minimized and controlled by the choices you make. Divorce lawyers do not have to take over your case and make decisions for you. We are counselors and advisors and together we decide what is best for you. It is your life and your money after all. Perhaps most individuals do not believe they can represent themselves, even with the assistance of counsel, or they do not know about or wish to use a divorce mediator. The couples rethinking or suspending their divorce may be under a false assumption that unless they can afford to retain an attorney to “take” their case (the average retainer in a divorce in Fairfield County is $15,000 billed at an hourly rate of $400.00) they must simply wait it out. Some couples are finding ways to separate within their own household, dividing time with their children, sharing and allocating costs and expenses, and living separate lives while under the same roof. Others are simply taking no steps to divorce believing their only option is to ride out this recession.

For couples who know divorce is the logical and necessary next step, there are options. You can divorce without spending tens of thousands of dollars on attorney’s fees. You can divorce and resolve your issues out of court where emotions and fees escalate. You can choose a process that reduces stress and conflict, supports and encourages you and your spouse to retain control and actively participate in your divorce, and more importantly allows you and your family to move on with your lives. The decision to divorce is extremely difficult. Choosing not to divorce, whether for financial or emotional reasons, oftentimes leads to more discourse, resentment, tension and hostility in the household. Inevitably one of the parties finally takes action to divorce but by then a fair, equitable and quick resolution is more difficult to attain. The costs of delay are high, both financially and emotionally.

I encourage my clients to work with me, to become an active participant in their divorce process, to be organized and focused and to reach out for the emotional support they need so they are better able to make good decisions through clear judgment. All of this saves time and legal fees and results in a better, faster settlement. Unfortunately, people continue to believe getting divorced has to cost a lot of money. An attorney in Virginia has the following phrase on his website, “When fees are affordable, goals are attainable”. This phrase really sums it up. Although divorce is never an easy process, an inexpensive and successful divorce is still attainable, even in 2009.

Attorney Susan W. Wakefield is a sole practitioner in Fairfield County with twenty year’s experience specializing in family law, divorce mediation and collaborative law.